Prowl continues to be a berk

[koilungfish]

14/5/07 - Rosters and Radios

         "Hey, Prowl, you done hogging Teletran-1?" Blaster asked.
         Prowl glanced at him over his shoulder. "No," was all he said.
         "Aww, come on!" Jazz added. "You've had your head in the screen since sun-up!"
         "I am consolidating a library of vital statistics," Prowl said, "which will enable me to construct a more efficient duty rotation system."
         "Meanin' your axling around with the duty roster," Jazz said. Behind them, seated at the command console, Optimus Prime paused in his work to look at them momentarily, but said nothing. "Like you ain't changed it three times since spring anyhow."
         "We have an operational efficiency problem," Prowl protested, turning in his seat to look at them with the cold crossness Jazz had come to associate with a Prowl disturbed from something he was enjoying. "Our patrols are never in the right area at the right time -"
         "- because we're patrolling Oregon, Washington and half of Idaho, and nowhere else 'cept for a bit of New York state," Jazz interrupted. "We ain't got nowhere near full coverage, and we ain't got the manpower or the horsepower to do it."
         "That’s what I'm trying to rectify," Prowl said, sounding exasperated, which made Jazz believe the battle was not yet a losing one.
         "Let me guess, we're going to be getting longer patrols with fewer people on them," Blaster said, "'cause that's what usually happens."
         "If need be, yes," Prowl replied, trying to turn back to his work, but Jazz had no intention of letting him off anything other than Teletran-1's main console. It wouldn't have been a problem if the Ark's internal wiring wasn't so wrecked they could only get access to the outside world from here on the bridge.
         "An' I bet we ain't gonna see your shiny bumper out on patrol any time soon," Jazz needled. "'cause Vector Sigma knows you ain't been on patrol once since we set up!"
         "Your facts are in error," Prowl stated, not looking at them.
         Jazz glanced over his shoulder and noticed Prime appeared to have started up a new project on a sub-screen, at which he was studying very industriously. "I ain't seen you go further than Portland 'cept on roll out."
         "Someone with executive powers needs to be in or close to the base at all times, and since you're working with Sunstreaker's patrol group and Ironhide insists on going on any sudden call-out Optimus has to deal with, I simply have to remain within fifty miles of the Ark at all times."
         "Sheer coincidence," Blaster said with subdued sarcasm.
         "Who would you rather leave in charge? Ratchet? Skids? Grimlock?"
         "Sooner Grimlock than you," Blaster said, not looking Prowl in the face.
         "Don't you have some enemy transmissions to monitor?" Prowl asked, trying not to show he was offended and not succeeding. "I notice from your work statistics that you're not spending a great deal of time doing your duties."
         "I can't," Blaster said. "I can't get no signal in here. Too much volcano. Only way I can do my job is when you ain't using my workstation."
         "This is not your workstation!" Prowl said harshly, turning around again. "This is the main console of Teletran-1 and it's used by everyone for everything."
         "Well, we ain't used it today because you won't shift your aft out of that chair," Jazz complained, shrugging.
         Prowl looked at him through cold and narrowed optics. "Haven't you got a patrol to run?"
         "Been and come back already," Jazz replied. "An' let me tell you, I ain't built for driving across two hundred miles of scrubland. You gave me Hound's route by mistake!"
         "Sorry," Prowl said flatly. "It was an accident."
         Jazz tried not to seethe. "Oh yeah? Just like that 'accident' where you gave Sunstreaker the same dentin' patrol route after he bumped into you in the corridor?"
         "Hound was elsewhere, and Trailbreaker uses too much fuel to do a two hundred mile route," Prowl said, as if it were all perfectly obvious.
         "Hey, wasn't Ratchet complaining about having to pull rocks out of Sunstreaker's underside after that one?" Blaster said.
         "Yup," Jazz said, on cue. "He said he was going to have a word with someone about putting sports cars with low ground clearance on rough terrain patrol routes. I wonder who he was talkin' 'bout."
         Prowl glared at them icily. "I suppose I shouldn't expect more than insinuation from you two."
         "And I guess I can't expect to do my job," Blaster griped, tapping his foot. "Man, I can't pick up nothing in here."
         "Then go outside," Prowl said, back in his isn't-it-perfectly-obvious tone.
         "You see a hundred-foot antennae sticking outta my head?" Blaster asked.
         "Blaster, you have a four thousand mile radio range," Prowl said. He'd have difficulty getting more condescending.
         "Yeah, and the 'con base has an interstellar transceiver that's jamming me outta everything east of Iowa!" Blaster protested. "I need the Ark's big transmitter to reach New York!"
         "Use your remote signaling hookup," Prowl said tersely. "It's what it's there for."
         "I can't," Blaster said, voice utterly without humour. "Too much volcano."
         "And how long has this been a problem?" Prowl sighed.
         "Since I came back on-line," Blaster said, starting to sound irate.
         "Hey, Red Alert's been saying the same thing since he woke up," Jazz quickly interrupted, before Blaster could lose his cool. "And ain't we been having the 'hex of a time keeping in contact with the New York base? Heck, we even lost contact with Cosmos a few times, and he was hovering right over us."
         "Are you just here to remind me we have a problem with radio transmissions due to the electromagnetic interruptions caused by the volcano?" Prowl asked. "Or can you actually suggest a solution?"
         "Build a dentin' radio tower?" Blaster suggested, visibly irate now.
         "Blaster, how many times -" Prowl started.
         "'Cause the humans don't want us building nothing," Jazz interrupted, mostly because he could say it in a third of the words Prowl was going to use.
         "Dents!" Blaster cursed. "How the 'hex are we supposed to protect them if we can't even set up a decent receiver? Man, I tried standing on top of the volcano and I still can't get the BBC -"
         "Pardon?" Prowl said, cold as an Iacon winter.
         "Err..." Blaster mumbled.
         "Well..." Jazz failed.
         "Let me guess," Prowl overrode them. "You just want to use Teletran-1 to pick up radio broadcasts from beyond the Decepticon jamming zone?"
         "But it's John Peel!" they both protested at once.
         "That's-"
         Before Prowl could say what he thought, they were interrupted by the sound of Optimus Prime trying not to laugh. "Prowl," the commander said, rising from his seat, "I think you've been working on the new roster for too long. Perhaps you should take a break."
         "But, sir-" Prowl protested.
         "It can wait," Prime shushed as he walked over. "Let Blaster and Jazz listen to their radio show." He fixed them with a dry look. "Just as long as you don't play it where I can hear it."
         Blaster whooped, Jazz gave the big boss a thumbs-up, and the two of them pounced on Prowl with intent to drag him from his seat.
         "Whoa," Blaster said, getting a look at the screen, and the damning little data table sitting in the centre of it.
         "Dude, harsh!" Jazz added, looking disapprovingly at Prowl.
         Optimus Prime leaned over to look as well. "Prowl," he said, quiet tones filled with deep disapproval, "I don't think it's appropriate to allot Autobots patrols based on whether or not you like their attitudes."