*glee!* I like this, I really do. Nice prose on the bit where Rod is being introduced to the Dinobots - I could practically feel the claustrophobia and the nervousness of "whoa, I like these guys but yikes I'm a bit out of my depth here!". It reminded me of being a young Rath the first couple of times I went in a rock bar. ^_^
The Aerialbots seemed a bit too nasty, if anything, to me, in that I've written Decepticons who were about on a par for bitchiness. I know you're not terribly impressed by them and on occasion neither am I, but that felt a tiny bit off - Slingshot might be that bad but I'm not so sure Air Raid would follow suit.
Grimlock's dialogue seemed a bit clunky right at the end, but that could just be because getting that number of "him (name)s" into one paragraph is hard without it ending up a bit forced. He doesn't usually manage sentences that long in canon after all. ;)
And I like Hot Rod. Sure, he's being a nice guy, but I think he's in character. He's being nice in a way that means he opened his mouth and had a go and was about to get kicked for it, which seems accurate enough. He's still being a brash young punk, he's just doing it out of goodness of heart rather than nastiness, which makes a nice contrast to the Aerialbots. Way to go on explaining why Grimlock was later so close/loyal to the young Prime, also!
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2007-01-20 11:09 am (UTC)The Aerialbots seemed a bit too nasty, if anything, to me, in that I've written Decepticons who were about on a par for bitchiness. I know you're not terribly impressed by them and on occasion neither am I, but that felt a tiny bit off - Slingshot might be that bad but I'm not so sure Air Raid would follow suit.
Grimlock's dialogue seemed a bit clunky right at the end, but that could just be because getting that number of "him (name)s" into one paragraph is hard without it ending up a bit forced. He doesn't usually manage sentences that long in canon after all. ;)
And I like Hot Rod. Sure, he's being a nice guy, but I think he's in character. He's being nice in a way that means he opened his mouth and had a go and was about to get kicked for it, which seems accurate enough. He's still being a brash young punk, he's just doing it out of goodness of heart rather than nastiness, which makes a nice contrast to the Aerialbots. Way to go on explaining why Grimlock was later so close/loyal to the young Prime, also!
...egads, long comment. I go now...