Still on autofish

[koilungfish]

14/3/07 - Quiet, pt 2 [TF:G1, pre-Earth]

         They lost two of the helicopters in the groves, and the one who followed them in went down in flames. From the base of Gear Arch Bluestreak could still see the dim glow of the fire, the orange glow fading amongst the trees, the column of smoke dark against the band fo rosy sky between shadowy trees and everdark sky.
         He sat down beside Jazz, with his back to the massive half-gear and tipped his head back, looking up and up its side until it vanished into the starless darkness above. Gear Arch filled his vision like a Cybertronian tower leaning sideways, its back ragged like a cog-wheel, its sides smooth as polished armour.
         "Who built it?" he whispered to Jazz.
         The saboteur turned to look at him, and amongst the rustle of the trees and the ever-so-faint crackle of the fire, Bluestreak could hear the tensors in Jazz's neck move.
         "Don' know," Jazz whispered back.
         Prowl, standing watchfully nearby, glanced at them. The flash of his red chevron in the blueish gloam startled Bluestreak. Behind Prowl, Mirage sat cleaning his rifle, and Smokescreen sprawled half-hidden in the underbrush. Hound, Bluestreak knew, was patrolling the area.
         Bluestreak cocked his head, listening. There was no sound in the air but the wind. "Do the Decepticons have any stealth jets?" he asked Jazz, the only person close enough to whisper to.
         "Don' know either," Jazz replied, sliding himself closer. In the interests of quieter conversation, the saboteur accidentally scraped his back on Gear Arch, raising a loud squeal of metal.
         Everyone froze.
         "Sssh!" Prowl snapped. Smokescreen propped himself up on one elbow and gave Jazz a stern look from under his chevron. Mirage continued putting his rifle back together.
         "See, thing is," Jazz said softly, leaning over until he was nose-to-missile-launcher with Bluestreak, "all anyone knows is that 'con cruiser went down all suddenly three days ago and we got rushed in on one chance and one chance only."
         "Which is?" Bluestreak asked. Bombs? Important Decepticons? Prisoners? Energon?
         "It's one of the new 'con cruisers, Bluestreak!" Jazz grinned. "One of the ones with the all-gears all-weather-tyres super-doodad stealth generators."
         " ... we came here to steal a stealth generator?" Bluestreak asked, a little surprised.
         "Sure!" Jazz said, earning a glower from Prowl for being mildly over-exuberant in volume.
         "Is it really worth it?" Bluestreak asked as quietly as he could.
         "What?" Jazz asked.
         "I said, is it really worth all this for a stealth generator?"
         "Best chance we're gonna get to get one," Jazz said with a nod. He patted Bluestreak on the knee as quietly as possible. The clink-clink was still painfully audible over the low sigh of the breeze and the shushing of trees. "We're gonna save a lot of lives."
         "Yeah ... but ... how many Decepticons are we facing?" Bluestreak worried. "A few? Many? Lots?"
         "Well ... ain't nobody special, 'cause we'd've heard from 'em by now if there was." Jazz glanced in the direction of the fire, a dim suggestion of orange light in the distance. "All I know is there's one less now than there was this morning."

Comments

[lunatron.livejournal.com]

" ... we came hear to steal a stealth generator?" Bluestreak asked, a little surprised.

Shame, shame, Fish. Here, not hear.

[koilungfish.livejournal.com]

¬_¬ Typo? What typo? :: hides the edit button::

[ladyrazorsharp.livejournal.com]

"Best chance we're gonna get to got one,"

Oops? ^_^

Other than that, I like. Jazz is being so kind and patient with Blue. And I really like the image of Prowl's red chevron...very nice; I can just see him turn his head quickly to give Blue and Jazz the look.

[koilungfish.livejournal.com]

Note to self: proofread your damn ficbits :: embarassed fish:: Also, learn to type.

There's not much to this one. Seriously writing on autopilot this time. Given that the sky is dark and the trees are blue and everything's pretty dim, Prowl's chevron [not to mention Bluestreak's chevron and Smokescreen's red bits] would stand out pretty well.

[ravenclaw-devi.livejournal.com]

Heh, Jazz is so cool. And Bluestreak is so... relieved that at least he gets to talk now?

[koilungfish.livejournal.com]

Well, Jazz is all about style. And one would expect Bluestreak to be relieved that can fill up the big hush.

[sapphirebreeze.livejournal.com]

I do like this better than "Quiet" pt 1. Giving them the opportunity to talk is about as much a relief for the reader as for Bluestreak, methinks. :)

No real strong emotional reaction beyond, "Okay, better than last." No strong reaction in general. It might make for a good scene in a larger fic, but doesn't exactly stand on its own (but then, I get the feeling you're already aware of that).

[koilungfish.livejournal.com]

Yes. Most things get better when you can add dialogue.

I'm surprised you think this one is better; I was almost asleep when I wrote it. I don't think this will go anywhere, it was just kludged together for the daily exercise, so I doubt it will ever be touched again.